Man Pussy, Aged 80, Has Been Verified
A tabby cat has been confirmed as an eighty-year-old man by the same age-verification systems the Australian government relies upon to keep minors off social media. We have, with some hesitation, filed the rest of the report.
The editorial summary. Six months after Australia became the first country in the world to ban under-16s from social media, the age-verification systems the platforms built to comply with the law have, on the public record, verified a tabby cat as an eighty-year-old man. The cat's name is Man Pussy. He is nine. He cannot read. He cannot post. He is, however, on the platform, in good standing, verified as over sixteen, with the law's protection in his corner.
The fourteen-year-old in our lede is named Cruz Condren. He was deactivated when the law came into force. He was reactivated when his mother scanned her own face. He considers the matter settled. Seventy-eight per cent of under-sixteens are still on the platforms, down from eighty-four per cent before the ban, which is to say the ban has, in six months, moved the needle by six percentage points. The Minister has a metaphor involving sharks. The regulator has, in her own words, "no potent powers." The platforms have, on the public record, no incentive to fence themselves in.
We file the discrepancy between the platforms' figures, the regulator's figures, and the researchers' figures as evidence that the law, the platforms, and the public are still in the early stages of finding out what the law is for. The rest of the world is watching. Canada has a bill. The European Commission has a proposal. We would, with customary restraint, recommend they pause. A cat has been verified as eighty. The cat cannot read this. The cat is, however, verified.